Neighbors be Damned!

Dear Jesus, is it wrong to want your neighbor dead? WWYD Jesus? I am having a problem with my newest neighbor. She is a God-fearing, cigarette-smoking, player-piano-having, manipulative passive-aggressive be-yotch that needs to be smote forthwith. I have lived in my complex for almost 5 years and not until this serpent of doom moved in did I ever have a problem with anyone. It started with the tromping. Back and forth, day in and day out, her footfall was indistiguishable from a small herd of migrating water buffalo. My apartments are old and all movement is transferred through the wood flooring. So I complained to her, I wrote her a note and told her of the tromping situation. She complied for a while, but now she's at it again. If I cut her feet off, do you suppose that would help? Or would I have just introduced another equally annoying component into the equation, namely the whirring of an electric wheelchair buzzing through the walls? Well, since I can't cut her feet off with much ado I'll never know. Now she is not so surrepticiously jockeying for half of my storage unit. She asked my land lord if she could have half. I told him if it was all the same to him, I wanted it for myself. And I don't feel bad about that. I have lived in that place for almost 5 years, and have just recently gotten the storage unit all to myself. How long has she been here? Two months tops. I have what my mother calls "Squatter's Rights". I have been there the longest, therefore, the shit is mine. So I didn't here anything back from my landlord; I assumed all was well. Well I assumed wrong. The other night I go outside to find my cat and here she comes, "Jennifer, Jennifer, can I ask you a question???" Oh dear Jesus no I don't want to talk to you. "I sure was hoping to get a hold of your storage unit. Jim said you wanted it all to yourself. It sure would be nice though to have a place to put my fan and my luggage and my..." It is here dear reader that I just blanked out with rage. What a twat. If you had been told no, would keep asking anyway? And now if I don't give her half of my storage unit, I am a bitch. Well bitch I shall be. Screw that wench. She can whine and kvetch all she wants. Even if I stack only lint in my storage unit, she gets none of it. NONE. God I hate neighbors. I need a house. Does anyone have one to sell for cheap? Otherwise she'll get to use the storage unit all right, only she'll be on the inside and I'll be the only one with the key. Blurgh.