We are Jennifer

So let's talk about my name shall we? It's Jennifer. One of the, no wait, THE most common name ever. It's like every mother from 1968 until 1980 had a virus: Jenniferus Namimicus. What the hell were they all thinking? Do you know how many times I had two other Jennifers in a class with me? It's like the Borg, only we were pimply-faced teenagers and the hardware was on our teeth instead of shooting out of the back of our heads. Once we found out that there were legion of us, we had to go through the whole naming convention. Ok, picture this, it's 1983, and I in my super cool rainbow shirt and head gear am deciding who's going to go by what. "Ok, you can be Jennifer, and you can be Jen, and I'll be Jennie, with an ie." People don't realize that I know when you are saying my name with a y instead of an ie. I can hear it. But no matter, because no one is allowed to call me Jennie. Ever. EVER. But I digress. Don't get me wrong, I love my name. People tend to think of it as cool or smart or even sexy. But it reeks havoc when there is more than one of us in the vicinity. I figure the only logical solution is to have all other Jennifers killed, or at least disfigured so no one wants to talk to them anyway. That way there would be no confusion. I would be the Jennifer. The Jennifer. But perhaps if you're lucky, you can call me Jen.