Oh Mickey You're So Fine...

Did you ever wonder what happened to Mickey Rourke's face? He was so darn cute in the 80's. Yes, I know, the 80's was a long time ago, and Mickey Rourke has aged, but that's not why he looks so frightful. He looks frightful because he has a syndrome. It's called "In an effort to assuage the ravages of time, I got a bunch of plastic surgery, too much in fact and now I look like a freakshow creep with too little skin on my normal-sized skull" Syndrome, or IAETATROTIGABOPSTMIFANILLAFCWTLSOMNSS Syndrome. Oh Mickey, we hardly knew ye. Where did ye go? All your sweet face and movie star career was left on some surgeon's operating room floor, rinsed away into the drain in the middle of the tiles. How could his agent let that happen? You would think he would have his best interests at heart, since Mickey's salary paid his salary. Maybe the agent was a sadist who wished ill will on Mickey, and boy did Mickey get it. And what good surgeon would keep cutting on pretty Mickey's face when he had so little to work with? The only thing to do now is invent a time machine and go back and warn Mickey of the Past about Mickey the Assuager so that he doesn't become Mickey of the Present. Britney Spears says time travel can be done, and I believe her. So now I shall retire to my drawing board and begin the plans for my Mickey Rourke Time Machine. If all goes well, you'll see a new Mickey soon. An aged Mickey to be sure, but a Mickey without the Sleestack qualities we know so well. Wish me luck.