Say Cheese!

The other morning I walked into the kitchen here at work, and instantly I was assaulted, assailed, and accosted by a co-worker who saw that I was pulling a container of cottage cheese out of my back pack to put in the refridgerator. She told me that the people in my work area had a discussion about the evils of this nefarious food even before I got into work that morning. And I was the catalyst for this haranguing because as of late I've been bringing in cottage cheese and fruit as a snack, the ambrosia of old people everywhere. Then she told me that the thought of eating fruit and cottage cheese together was abhorrent, not in words, but with a grimace and a shudder of epic proportions.

Apparently I live in a world of cottage haters. Let me give you a bit of trivia: One of President Richard Nixon's favorite breakfast foods was cottage cheese covered with ketchup and/or black pepper. How's that for a cottage combo? Makes my peaches sound relatively harmless.

Why do people find it necessary to tell me that what I am eating disgusts them? Do I tell them that the massive bowl of Ramen they are eating has like 32 grams of fat in it and really, do they think they need it when their ass is as broad as a small card table? Do I say, "Wow, that casserole concoction looks like braised baby hearts?" or "Gee, why don't you eat a vegetable instead of that third donut Fatty McFatterton?" No, I do not, and here's why: It's none of my fucking business what other people eat. If you want to eat rutabegas, then I say eat them until you blow up. What about sweet breads? Never had them, but if you eat them, well, let me know how the brains of others taste. And if you're in to eating other people, there's a guy across the street I'd like you to meet.

Is cottage cheese really that heinous? No one went into the woods to shoot a cottage cheese as it gently lapped water from a stream. No one electrocuted the cottage cheese to get its silky white curd coat to make a hat. No, someone squeezed a cow's teets to get some milk to make some cheese. So get over it, move on, and figure out something else to do with your time. I've got some curds and fruit to eat.